it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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