Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
