when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
