I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
