Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
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Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
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Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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