You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
