I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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