Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
