Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
