I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize