You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Randomize
