I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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