Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
