so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
