I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
