I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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