I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
