On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
