I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
