so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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