shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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