defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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