OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
NoShamevember. You game?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
