Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
