I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I can text with my tongue
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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