At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
