Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
