I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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