After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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