just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
