dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
