I'm so fucking centered right now
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
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i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
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Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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