Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
