Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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