Is it normal to miss your booty call?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
