you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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