apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
