The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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