Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
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Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
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After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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