Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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