somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
