There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
