how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
