her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Also, beer. Big fan.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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