id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
my nose is crying tears of wow.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
