I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
did i walk over a car last night?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
