He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
