My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize