I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
