was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
