Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
