i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
