I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
did i just pee glitter
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