There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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