Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
