I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
