I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
