Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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