My sheets look like a crime scene.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
