Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm like, not good at living.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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