Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
