he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
