All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
