there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
