Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
