He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
