I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
