oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
