hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I need a beard to bite.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
