No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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