you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
