i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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