ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
