I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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