remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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