just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
