We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
