he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
