Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
