I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
my poor anus
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
