i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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