i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
