Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
