Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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