Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
