moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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